Sole

C’è un’ora in cui il sole disegna una precisa virgola sul mio balcone. E’ il muro dell’appartamento di fronte che si mette in mezzo, una sorta di braccio a gomito chiuso che fa ombra. E mi piace guardare questo piccolo sgorbio della luce sulle mattonelle rosse sporche. Non ho mai voglia di pulire il balcone, mi intestardisco sul salotto, sull’ingresso, sulla disposizione della tovaglia ricamata al centro del tavolo. Mostro quella parte di me che susciti un Brava. Ho bisogno ancora dell’approvazione della gente, dell’ammirazione palese e mai nascosta di chi mi conosce. Il mio balcone però è diverso. E’ zona d’ombra, finisce che la giornata lo inghiottisca intero e io non mi affacci mai che da una finestra, un muro trasparente che rende al mondo la mia immagine riflessa attraverso la luce. Una particolare riflessione fedifraga. Anche forse un po’ sonora. Non sono più io. Ero alta, snella, con i capelli raccolti. Ho la pelle macchiata, consumata. E come ogni giorno verso le tre mi sdraio a guardare il sole attraverso gli occhiali scuri. Nessuno è passato a trovarmi, in fondo ho ottant’anni e tutto sa di polvere e di rimpianti. La solitudine non ha il calore del sole. E’ fredda come l’ombra del mio balcone.  

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