Rosso come l’amore

 

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Aspettava. Aspettava alla fermata del tram guardando nella direzione opposta. Soffiava nei guanti di lana l’aria che tratteneva ad ogni respiro. Il nero era diventato il suo colore. Voleva che lui tornasse. Riaprisse la loro porta e spalancasse le braccia. Lo immaginava così la sera quando scivolava nel suo sonno chimico. La mattina faceva fatica ad alzarsi, mettere insieme le idee ed arrivare a quella fermata così distante da casa. Aveva provato a passeggiare sulla banchina facendo scorrere il tempo ma il tram era sempre in ritardo. Un ritardo che era solo nella sua testa perché non c’era traffico sui binari. Il traffico era nel suo cuore. Sempre a dover prendere una decisione, una strada che doveva essere per gli altri la migliore ma che risultava per lei solo la solita salita. Tutti erano soddisfatti eppure lei di felice non vedeva che il ghiaccio sui vetri delle macchine. E l’attesa era diventata come la tela per Penelope. Faceva e disfaceva pensieri che non erano solo i suoi ma anche dell’altra lei che quando era sola in casa le suggeriva di andare oltre, spingersi fuori dalla finestra del per benissimo e andare a vedere cosa c’è in fondo ai sentimenti. L’amore che si trasforma in odio.

L’amore che taglia i sorrisi falsi dalle fotografie.

L’amore che chiude ogni possibilità di riaprire gli occhi. Aspettava.

Aspettava che qualcosa cambiasse, ma più aspettava più intorno a lei si disegnava un fango vischioso di risentimento.

Lui si era allontanato piano. Aveva preso le distanze dall’incidente che avevano avuto in macchina. Un fanale rotto e una birra di troppo. Una birra che era diventata un pretesto per non uscire più, un pretesto che era divento un muro, un muro che si era fatto rancore, liti, schiaffi. Insulti. Lui aveva chiuso la porta quando si stava versando il terzo bicchiere. Non voleva essere abbandonata così come un cane sul ciglio della strada in un giorno d’estate. Era solo vino rosso. Rosso come l’amore. Lui non capiva perché quel liquido le serviva. Le era indispensabile per poter affrontare le salite. La trattava male, la relegava lui sullo sgabello della cucina davanti alla cantinetta dei vini. Era colpa sua, ma non poteva vivere senza quel rancore che era prima amore.

Il tram era solo una scusa. Il traffico, la seconda.

Era il terzo che lasciava andare. Non era in grado di afferrare le cose al momento giusto. Scivolavano come l’acqua sull’onda. Un’onda pigra che si lasciava cadere sulla spiaggia. Avrebbe aspettato sulla banchina assonnata che arrivasse un altro tram e magari lui sarebbe sceso prima o poi dal nuovo palazzo dove abitava e le avrebbe fatto un cenno, avrebbe dimenticato l’incidente, la patente ritirata, l’odio, l’alcool e la loro storia sarebbe ricominciata. Allegra, felice, spensierata. Come una volta, come il c’era una volta delle favole a cui lei aveva sempre creduto e che si ostinava a portare in tasca insieme ai biglietti mai timbrati. La sagoma del tram ormai si distingueva nella nebbia e i passanti si stavano accalcando per prenderlo. Avrebbe aspettato ancora un altro tram, d’altronde lei non sapeva che lui aveva preso un aereo una settimana prima. Preferiva aspettare e scaldare le mani con il fiato caldo finché la nebbia non si fosse diradata. Poi sarebbe tornata a casa e si sarebbe distesa sul divano insieme al suo rosso preferito. Avrebbe ripensato a lui e alla sua risata e sarebbe scivolata come l’onda nei ricordi di un amore rosso annacquato.

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