Quella casa che hai nella tua testa

sognitudine-21Rigiravi il dito attorno al bordo del bicchiere. Ormai il vino era finito eppure continuavi a guardare nel vuoto come se ci fosse scritto qualcosa. Non parlavi, tenevi solo gli occhi in quella posizione fissa e persa. Il dito era l’unica cosa che si muoveva.

Ho provato a parlarti poi sono stato zitto, quando entri in questo stato stai sicuramente immaginando un racconto per cui non voglio disturbarti. Ho ordinato dell’altro vino alzando la mano e indicando il mio bicchiere vuoto. La cameriera ha fatto cenno con la testa e ha indicato un due con le dita, ma ho subito fatto cenno di no. Non volevo che il tuo girar potesse in qualche modo essere interrotto. Sei sempre ferma sullo stesso punto, girata di tre quarti verso un futuro che vorresti ma con un passato che non vuoi lasciare. Ormai sei ciclica e io sono qui ad ammirarti per quella forza che hai e per quella fragilità che non sai nascondere. Sei un insieme esplosivo perché metti il buon umore anche in giornate grigie ma quando sei così… lontana, persa, fuori dal mondo io sono solo uno scalino di una lunga scala che non sali e non scendi. Mi sento solo ma non della tua stessa solitudine. Mi sento fuori. Fuori dai tuoi sogni. Sai escludermi stando seduta a un passo da me. Anche quando ci addormentiamo tu ti giri verso la finestra o verso la porta. Mi dai le spalle. Fuggi.

Il tuo dito si ferma e poi riprende. La gente parla sottovoce, non si può più fumare nei luoghi chiusi perché ora sarei attorniato da una nube grigiastra e puzzolente aspettando il tuo risveglio. Vorrei entrare nel tuo sogno. So che lo realizzerai prima o poi. Ti sei solo persa. Hai smarrito la strada, ma la ritroverai. Hai fatto cose eccezionali solo che non le vedi perché le hai fatte tu. Il tuo sogno ti accompagnerà sempre non puoi negarlo, sarebbe come far cambiare al fiume il suo corso. Troverebbe il modo di rompere l’argine e tornare dove scorreva lento e pigro. In qualche modo tornerai a casa. Quella casa che hai nella tua testa. Quella con le finestre celesti e i vetri tondi. Ci saranno i girasoli alla porta. Diventeranno alti. Guarderanno il sole.

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