L’ostetrica

Gennaio era stato da sempre un rimettere a posto le luci di Natale e cucire. In salotto, davanti alla finestra, dietro ai vetri appannati e all’andirivieni delle persone che correvano troppo. I figli grandi erano ormai lontani. Del marito rimaneva una foto sulla mensola. La crisi aveva portato via anche la nostalgia di un ricordo, ma le calze continuavano a bucarsi. Sempre nello stesso punto. Il filo non reggeva più o era la stoffa a non essere più quella di una volta. Eppure accanto al termosifone, distendeva le gambe per guardarsi i piedi nudi. Erano così brutti. Storti e deformi come le mani che non reggevano più neanche il ditale. Mani che aveva accarezzato, schiaffeggiato, pulito. Dato alla vita. Ora erano ricoperte da infinite macchioline marroni che si spostavano sotto l’onda della pelle cadente. C’era della verità in quei segni del tempo, ma anche tante menzogne. Forse più menzogne che mezze verità.

Così come la dispensa, mezza vuota. Centellinava il cibo. Non perché non avesse voglia di cucinare o uscire a fare la spesa, ma si era abituata a risparmiare. Era più un ripiegarsi attorno a quello strato di sofferenza che la teneva in vita. Uno strato rappresentato da quattro sedie intorno al tavolo, una lampada e polvere dappertutto. Più la toglieva, più lei, affezionata sempre agli stessi luoghi, si riposava lentamente. Non spolverava spesso, questo lo sapeva. Era noioso. Ma il santino incastrato nello specchio all’entrata, aveva sempre una coccola in più. Lo puliva sulla manica del maglione. Santa Rosalia se ne stava così vicina al cero rosso sempre illuminato da una minuscola batteria. Era la protettrice di tutta la famiglia. Una famiglia che rendeva una volta le giornate movimentate ma, che allentandosi con le proprie distanze, aveva reso i mesi tutti uguali. Monotoni, ma lei non si era di certo lasciata abbattere dalla solitudine. Era una condizione, diceva alle vicine più giovani, a cui se ci si abitua poi non si riesce più a farne a meno. Come un cappotto d’estate che anche se pesante non ti fa sudare. Ma l’estate non era la sua stagione preferita e spinta da quell’inesorabile ricerca di un motivo per andare avanti, cuciva. Era più un tenere insieme due lembi di stoffa che non ne volevano più sapere di stare uniti. Più la trama si disfaceva, più cercava strade con l’ago che non aveva ancora percorso. Si sistemava i calzini spaiati in grembo e ne prendeva uno a caso. Infilava il filo scuro nell’ago. Le ricordava i vecchi arresi alla morte. Il bianco non lo utilizzava mai, l’aveva sempre lasciato per i sogni.

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