Dai sogni ai sassi

CNPKJP Concept of digestion problems or poverty - stones in a plate

Sorrido perché ultimamente il bollettino dell’OMS è diventato come il resoconto dettagliato della riunione di condominio. Più lo leggi e più ti perdi. Tra millesimi ripartiti, condizionati, frazionati ti spetta di pagare le spese del terrazzo di sopra perché copre parte del 20% di non quale altra frazione. E sorrido perché ora c’è guerra al cibo. L’OMS mette sotto inchiesta caffè e bevande calde. Pure l’acqua calda oserei dire? Beh se viene da fonti inquinate la metterei sotto indagine anche io, ma allora anche l’acqua fredda sarà passata al setaccio e chissà cosa troveranno. Il pesto sembra che causi forti danni all’ambiente. I pini vengono spremuti perché noi sul banco frigo possiamo avere pesto fresco tutti i giorni con l’aglio, senza, con l’olio, o senza ma rigorosamente con i pinoli perché sono loro che danno gusto. Ma poi delle povere foglie di basilico sfruttate e fatte crescere in batteria nessuno parla.

E’ allarme carne ora. Sono secoli che mangiamo prosciutto e insaccati perché un panino al salame con il burro vuoi negartelo nella vita? Qualcuno ne fa una religione, qualcuno lo considera un anticristo fatto sta che le carni lavorate, quelle in cui la dicitura nitrato di … possono essere cancerogene, lo sapevamo dalla notte dei tempi. Qualsiasi sostanza chimica che altera qualche metabolismo può risultare cancerogena (il discorso è lungo ma per fare la mozzarella light o il mascarpone light si usa filtrazioni chimiche per togliere il grasso e sono quelle filtrazioni ad essere nocive più del grasso stesso. O scegli di fare il tiramisù con la ricotta o scegli di non mangiarlo se non puoi immettere altro grasso nel tuo corpo). Sei cresciuto negli anni settanta non hai mai mangiato il prosciutto cotto che diventava fosforescente dopo due ore? Il potere dei polifosfati. Sì, che lo hai mangiato insieme al formaggino Mio che era di tutti però (battuta orrenda lo so). Probabile che ora tutte le intolleranze che hai, derivino da quello oppure no, posso sbagliarmi.

Ma siamo noi a volerlo.

E’ la richiesta del consumatore che spinge l’industria a far sì che il salame sia rosso fuoco invece che marroncino, siamo noi che vogliono l’olio verde altrimenti quello marroncino ci ricorda qualcos’altro. Siamo noi che spingiamo a fare sottilette con formaggi di quarta lega invece che sottilette di formaggio fuso, sottolineo formaggio e non scarti. Li vogliamo pagare 50 centesimi a confezione, è tanto che ci mettono il foglio di carta di plastica, perché altrimenti mangeresti solo aria. E qui approdiamo al respirarianesimo Vi giuro non so come si scrive. La gente che tenta di purificarsi respirando. Io direi intanto di allontanare le stronzate (per fare questo occorre studiare e avere basi di conoscenza ben ferrate) perché un piatto di pomodori provenienti dalla terra dei fuochi o cresciuti sopra discariche abusive (ce lo diranno tra vent’anni) condito con olio verde fosforescente e con sale radioattivo, ha la stessa incidenza di far venire un tumore come una fetta di carne arrostita alla brace di una qualche mucca pazza.

Io non faccio allarmismo, né terrorismo, sorrido perché non so assolutamente da dove proviene il cibo pure se leggo l’etichetta perché di truffe ne ho lette tante. E adesso verrà il bello, vatti a districare fra tutte i prodotti che metteranno in circolazione per non far mangiare carne rossa. Ci saranno hamburger di soia di non so quale pianeta, cresciuta nella maniera più intensiva possibile ma scriveranno no OGM perché è un’altra sigla che uccide. La gente non è solo quello che mangia, ma è quello che pensa e fa più paura un pensiero errato che una fetta di prosciutto. Poi vallo a dire ai tedeschi che mangiano wurst a colazione che l’insaccato fa male.  Alzeranno il boccalone da un litro e diranno “Zum Wohl” e ci berranno sopra, finché non gli diranno che la birra fa male ma tanto mangiano broccoli e si sa, qualcuno ha detto che i broccoli diminuiscono il cancro al colon. E se la caseina può provocare dipendenza, allora lo zucchero anche quello grezzo di canna secondo voi che fa? Qualcuno propone di mangiare locuste e insetti. Proveremo. Ma poi con tutte le mucche che ci faremo? Chiameremo Heidi e Peter. (Avevano capre ma due mucche in più non faranno certo male). Ma quando le mucche diventeranno così tante che non sapremo più dove metterle? Ci penseremo, ora occupiamoci dei nostri tumori. Io proporrei una bella dieta a base di sassi come fanno i granchi. Sassi e Sali minerali.

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